How do you *actually* stop liking the emotionally unavailable ones?
You know your anxious attachment tendencies backwards and forwards.
You even know that “the body keeps the score.”
But despite all the workshops, retreats, exercises, and self-help books, you still find yourself drawn to the same emotionally unavailable types.
You still feel plagued by those inner voices that
criticize your every move
tell you you’re not good enough,
and make you fear rejection to the point where you don’t even really know how to “be yourself,” especially when it comes to dating.
You wonder, what the fk is going on?
Can I actually change this, or do I just need to learn to live with it?
Maybe you’ve had some relief in feeling more grounded, and more like yourself–but it flies out the window as soon as you feel the tiniest bit of attachment.
You’ve noticed you’re attracted less to the super bad boys, girls and theys, but that last dude that seemed so perfect at the start disappeared into the mystical land of “not ready for a relationship.”
So, what’s going on here?
You HAVE experienced a lot of transformation.
Relationships are simply the most brutally honest mirror of our deep nervous system states.
To make lasting change in the nervous system–the kind that shows up in how we relate to those closest to us—we need a variety of elements to weave together:
An ecosystem of support, not just a robust inner life where we explore the unconscious. We need good friendships, emotional support, healthy food, exercise and sleep, play, creative outlets, spiritual fulfillment and a sense of purpose.
Sustained and coordinated efforts. For most of us, it takes more than a weekend workshop to shift deep nervous system patterns. Big shifts happen, but those epiphanies need to be layered with many other ones in order to complete a resilient web of behavior that will stick when we’re tested by stress.
Non-verbal somatic work that reaches your pre-verbal childhood brain. Our relationship patterns were started in presence, touch, eye contact–not with words. To shift the nervous system for good, we need to use tools that allow our brains to reset and receive support, like when we were babies.
Practical solutions. While we heal deep unconscious belief systems and safety networks, we also need strategies to get us through the day to day. Tailored strategies for dating help to provide corrective experiences, proving to our deeper selves that the kind of relationships we crave are genuinely possible.
Fun and Simplicity. It’s all too easy to get caught up in the perfectionism of self-improvement. At the end of the day, the fastest way to healing is by practicing fun and taking ourselves lightly. This is often the most challenging pattern to catch for ourselves–we often need professionals or friends who can truly see us, and call us back to the present, perfectly imperfect moment.
I’ve been wrestling with these realities for my adult life, both as a professional and personally, dedicating tens of thousands of hours to study and practice.
Through that obsession, I created a coaching framework that addresses the whole thing–your whole body, and your whole life.
It takes you :
From the most devastating breakup, where you feel like you’re crawling out of your skin with pain, and the urge to get back together with your ex
To a holistic glow up that makes you feel like you’re actually living your dream life now–nourishing friendships, your potent purpose, and overflowing joy and pleasure.
From being ready-but-scared to meet someone to share your life with
To rocking the dating process with confidence, having healed the tendencies to lose yourself in the face of someone you’re attracted to
To building that robust partnership filled with laughter, pleasure, and the kind of communication that could broker global peace deals.
I know that you’re magic. I know that you deserve to feel like it. And I know that you deserve to feel like your full, ever-evolving magical self inside of a relationship with a healthy partner, equally magical, who delights in seeing you, and meets you with emotional intimacy, passion, and dedication to building a strong relationship together.
Click here to complete the 1 minute application, and book a free discovery call to talk about exactly about your life, and how to tweak your process to actually get to the secure attachment feeling you’re looking for.